Women ;)

I don’t know what’s the problem but whenever I sit to write something I just don’t have anything to write, my mind goes empty, I start thinking about all the stupid things in the world and this time when I got tired of thinking I just simply picked up the phone and dialled my best friend, not bothering that it was 1 A.M. (although I had great scolding from his parents, but they just can’t understand that if I they don’t let me talk to him, this world will be missing out one of the finest articles in the history of literature). And when at last I managed to talk to him I just instantly give him the job of thinking about a topic for me to write, which he after advising me, “Salman, history will remain indebted to u if u stop writing”, gave me the biggest shock of my life when he told me to write on “Women”. The phone nearly dropped out of my hand, my ears couldn’t believe what he said, “WOMEN”(read it aloud). I mean for God sake I can write about the extinction of dinosaur from earth ,about ancient civilisation of mohenjodaro, I can write about the all the processes that takes place in an Atomic bomb, I can write on what made Hitler do what he did, about the digestive system of an ant, but ‘Women’!! I mean how in the world can I write about this creature( which has few characteristics of a human being) when 15 billion years have passed since this universe was created and intellectuals and scientists like Aristotle, Pluto, Socrates, Newton, Shakespeare, Einstein, our very own genius Bill Gates and the list goes on and on, passed away(hey Bill Gates is still alive don’t worry) but couldn’t explain about this creature. But still I found this topic very interesting and thought to write on it with all my capability. So read on           

Once upon a time, I mean once upon a time, yes u are right once upon a time and u know what it means……..,yes, Thrice upon a time I met this creature and fell head over heel in love with her (well I just can’t understand why we fall head over heel in love I mean head is always over heels) neways what I was saying yeah I fell in love with her, my head stopped working (I swear it worked before), my heart started beating faster (Doctors advised me to have a heart check-up), I mean everything went topsy turvy. Whenever I tried to praise her beauty she got angry that I’m joking and when I didn’t she got more angry that I don’t like her. Ahhh, women, it wasn’t her fault. One day we were talking on the phone and she asked me, “Salman, will u bring stars from sky for me” and I replied, “no, I will bring Sun, if I’m going that far why not bring something big” and then after that I heard the cradle being smashed on the phone set. We were passing a wonderful life when suddenly her birthday came near and I, being a caring person that I’m, thought of giving her the gift that she needed the most and at last that day came, it was dark cloudy evening when I gave her that gift and ………… that was the last day I saw her, it was a ……….Deodorant. Now just tell me what was my fault in all this?. I was being so caring and she felt insulted, as far as I know if u even care about an animal that animal won’t feel insulted but she felt, so u can imagine yourself ………and we lived happily ever after separately(at least I did).           

Life after that continued happily but bad luck that I have, my fate had something different stored for me. It was the end-term and my biology teacher gave me an assignment to write just 5 differences(yes just 5 differences) in a shouting woman and a barking dog!!!!!. I asked every person that I knew, searched whole net, read hundred of books but couldn’t find a single difference and u know what I got, 0 in my assignment.L.            

Some women infact girls(they don’t like them being called a woman, u can yourself imagine even they dont like being called a woman) who think themselves to be super intellectuals and most superior creature say that smart, handsome, attractive, intelligent men(well now I understand why everyone says, ‘be like a man’) are a thing of past. Well that’s just because of the fact that today’s men are too sophisticated and intellectually superior to girls like them. That is exactly why girls long for men of past. OK leave everything I just couldn’t understand one thing that if girls think that they are always right and they are more intellectual that guys then why the hell do they copy the hair style, clothes or even accent of guys??? They were given a separate identity by God but they seem to bow to male dominance.           

Then they think of themselves as the most beautiful creature on earth and what not. Initially I also thought like this but when I read all the storied in newspapers about husbands fainting in their bedrooms and even passing away sometime I then realised that they are the only poor creatures who have to see their wives without make-up and that’s enough for some one who doesn’t have strong heart, to faint. They always rely on beauty products. Just switch on your TV and you’ll know yourself .           

I asked one of my friend what does he think is the greatest joke of all time and u know what he replied? that, “two women are sitting together and they are quite”. lol. Some genius once rightly said that ‘a woman remains quite just once in her life’. After studying carefully all the big blunders in history I have come to the conclusion that if u want a matter to be spoiled thoroughly hand it over to a woman and after that u don’t have to worry. Even when God made man He said, “hmmmmm….a good job done” and when He created woman He shockingly said, “Oh!!!!!! What have I done?”. It was a woman, Eve, who brought Adam from heavens to earth because of her blunder. Woman was created from one of the bones of man which can never be straightened so……           

I think after discussing ‘women’ scientifically, intellectually, religiously, from all aspects we can easily come to the conclusion as the famous proverb goes, “Women, Women what a blunder!”. Keep smiling and beware of this creaturePS: the writer is not responsible for any content in the article that offends any one. These are not his personal remarks he just discussed it according to the general perception

P.S2: this article was written during my zamana-e-jahliat so i MAY or MAY NOT agree with the content of the article :P

P.S3: i also wrote a counter reply to this article on 'MEN' which Inshallah will soon be published :D